Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Puke in a purse and out of the banded closet

Nobody at my old job knew that I was banded. It wasn't because I was ashamed of it in any way...it was more so because I didn't discuss any aspect of my personal life at work. I went to work, did my job, and came home...the end. All of my friends from work had enough sense to leave that place before I did, and I was no longer "friends" with any one in the building.

When I started my new job I wondered how and if I would tell people about the band.

Let me tell ya a little story about what happened last week...

My class goes on a field trip every week so the kids get "community experience". Last week we went to the hospital to eat lunch in the cafeteria. I really had no idea what was offered in their cafeteria, but I figured it would be fine. Not the case. I made a very poor choice.

It seemed like everything they had was either breaded, contained bread, or had pasta in it...I thought hospitals were supposed to be about getting you healthy?? I chose a piece of pizza that had very thin crust. I ate about about 1/4 of it. Everything felt fine. Here's where the bad choice occurred....I ate a couple of bites of a piece of pie. No go. Not happening. No way, no how was it going down. I excused myself to the restroom and discreetly tried to get it up...and I thought I did.

We got back in the van and I thought well at least we are headed back to the school in case I need to go to the bathroom again. Wrong. My assistant decided we had plenty of time and I needed a full tour of the base. Great. He's playing tour guide while I am sitting in the back of the van ready to choke on my own slime.

I was super stuck. I felt like I was about to birth a slime baby. Panic set in. What was I going to do...I was in a van full of my students and new co workers...if I yelled for them to pull over and puked on the side of the road I would have scared the kids to death.

Thank the Lord I had read in somebody's blog (I wish I could remember who) to always be prepared with a bag and wipes/napkins in my purse. I discreetly opened my purse just in time...I birthed a slime baby without making a peep. I was in the back of the van. Nobody saw except the kid next to me...and she is non verbal.

So for the next 20 minutes I had a purse full of slime. Gross. Double gross.

I knew I had to tell my co-workers, but I had no idea how I would bring it up. Then, today the magic banded closet door opened and I came out. One of my assistants had a pamphlet on her desk about lap band. I asked her if she was banded. She isn't, but she said she was thinking very seriously about it...and then I just blurted it out..."I was banded 4 months ago"

I don't usually like to just throw all my business out in the street...but today I'm glad I did :)

16 comments:

♫ Drazil ♪ said...

Ha - a purse of slime! Nooooot fun at all!

Andrea said...

Yeah super gross, but at least you were prepared!

Jazzing up Jackie said...

Oh my gosh that was probably pretty disturbing for the girl who did see you lol At least you were prepared though!

Sarah said...

Today I rename you Boy Scout Barbie! So amazed you were that prepared. I read something on Amy W's blog about zip-lock bags in the car after her orange foam incident but the little bags we buy over here aren't really up to that sort of job.

~Miss Lorie~ said...

Boy Scout Barbie! Look at you being prepared. That is terrible, but I guess it coulda been worse! Good job! Hopefully it never happens again.

Banded With Favor said...

Love the being prepared...so informative as I have not read that before, but makes perfect sense to have an emergency "band" kit in purse and car...on my list of things to do!!!

Brenda said...

The purse slime puts you into a new realm of bandom!

Holly from 300 Pounds Down said...

i know this was traumatizing for you but i have to admit it was pretty funny the way you explained it. Giving birth to a slime baby! I think you handled it pretty well. Oh my goodness. You poor thing!

Lisa said...

wow - I haven't been stuck yet or had any slime so I have no idea what it's like. I can imagine I would be freaking out as well. Glad you were prepared!!

Rachel said...

AHAAHAHA birthing slime baby. I slimed into an empty mini water bottle once - ridiculous! xxx

LoriBang said...

Gave birth to a slime baby! OMG, about had coffee through my nose at that one! I like the being prepared! I usually have plastic bags in my purse and car, but I have extra undies and diapers and wipes for my kids in those! I guess I will just throw a couple more little bags in there for PB'ing!

Reggie said...

How did your purse make out after you delivered your slime baby? I hope it wasn't completely ruined.

MandaPanda said...

"Slime Baby" just conjured all kinds of images in my head. LOL

stephanee said...

Oh my gosh! I laughed and was horrified for you all at the same time. You handled it like a champ, though! I've not heard about carrying an emergency PB kit before, but so glad that I have now :)

Morgan said...

Not only did your story give me some super valuable information, it helped me to clear my sinuses but shooting water out my nose. You always make me laugh!

Ronnie said...

I love it, so glad you were able to get it out there. Usually the relief is almost palpable with me. Sighhh! :)