Tuesday, July 31, 2012

I won Gold!!!

Today was my last leisure weekday in the pool. I go back to work tomorrow. I am sad that my summer is over, but oh so happy to get back in a routine. I do better with structure and routine.

So when I am in the pool my imagination runs rampant. Some days I am a mermaid. Some days I am lost at sea. Some days I am a very wealthy lady of leisure lying in the pool, waiting on my hot cabana boy to bring me my drink. Why yes, I do have a great imagination.

I guess since this is Olympic season, my imagination has been geared as being an Olympian. One day I was a synchronized swimmer. One day I was a gymnast on the balance beam. Today I was swimmer. I won the Gold. My pool is 33 ft long and i went down and back...so I guess that makes me the gold winner of the 20 meter race :)

Play time is over. Back to the land of wearing a bra and shoes...so sad.

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Rockin Weekend

My Rockstar is home...so if the house is a rockin, don't come a knockin. Ha ha ha....I crack my self up :)

He got home Friday afternoon, but was only home a couple of hours before he had to turn around and leave to go see DCI (a Drum Corp show). By the time he got home I was already asleep...boooo.

Saturday we went out shopping. We dropped over $200 (gasp!) at the Teacher Store. We bought stuff to set up The Rockstars new classroom. I am pretty excited about helping him set up his very own classroom. I bought a few new things for my classroom as well.

We also went to Kohls and TJ Max to buy him some new "teacher clothes" as he calls them. I also bought a few things at Kohls for myself. The Rockstar wouldn't let me buy any new flip flops. He said my addiction had reached epic proportions and I needed an intervention...ha, that will never happen.

While we were out we just went ahead and knocked out the grocery shopping. When we got home we discovered the most wonderful thing....we were home ALL ALONE!!! Woop woop...bow chicka wow wow!!

Today we lounged by the pool for a couple of hours. Then we had to go in and get ready for a wedding. Yes, I have attended two weddings in the past few weeks, which means I had to put on a stinkin dress again...ugh. Y'all know how I feel about wearing a dress. I will put one on, but I bitch and complain the whole time I have it on. Sorry, didn't get any full body shots, but here I am just after the wedding...

Unfortunately, it started raining as we were walking in and my hair was not at its best...oh well, it is what it is.

The wedding was nice. We left before they served the cake...which was ok with me.

Tonight we just chilled and watched Big Brother and the Olympics (I'm all about the gymnastics).

Oh, and by the way...remember those 3 pounds I told ya that I gained?? Well, it turns out that I turned right around and lost them, plus one. With everything that had been going on with Kayleigh I had not been taking my medicine. After taking the Lasix I was down by 4 pounds the next morning.

Tomorrow will be running around like crazy trying to get both of our classrooms set up. I guess this means my summer is officially over ....waahhhhhhh

Thursday, July 26, 2012


Thanks to the gorgeous Laura Belle we have Ten Things Thursday!!

1. I miss my Rockstar. He will finally be home tomorrow afternoon. He has driven off the camp site twice every day so he can get a cell signal and call me.

2. I finally drug myself out of the bed and managed to put clothes on and even a little bit of make up. I couldn't find the motivation to do anything to my hair...so it is thrown back in a ponytail. I made myself get out of the house. There are only so many days I should allow myself to lay in the bed crying.

3. I went shopping to look for some new work clothes. I bought two new shirts. I also fed my flip flop addiction...I bought these...

And these...

4. I also bought a couple of new bras. I won't torture you by posting pics of that. How is it possible to lose over 60 pounds and still have ginormous boobs???

5. Austin (my boy poodle baby) has not been eating or drinking much. He will drink some milk if I put in a bowl and hold it for him, but he won't go near the kitchen to his food and water bowl. He is 9 months older than Kayleigh was. I am worried about him. I don't think he is sick, I just think he is sad.

6. I have seen several people complaining about all the political posts on facebook. I have the same complaints. I would never "unfriend" someone just because their views are different than mine...but I will delete you in a heartbeat if you can't shut up about it....whether I agree with them or not.

7. I have so much I need to do before next week. I haven't even started setting up my classroom...but, (in my best Scarlett O'hara voice) I can't think about that right now. If I do, I'll go crazy. I'll think about that tomorrow.

8. I have eaten very, very little this week and have managed to gain 3 pounds....wtf???

9. Mountain Dew has been my drug of choice to deal with my emotional pain. Maybe that's where I got the 3 pounds.

10. The Boy made me watch some scary movie with him on Sci Fi before he went to work today. Now I am sitting here by myself scared to death that there is some monster under my bed or in the closet just waiting to get me.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Sad and lonely, but so very blessed

Thank you to all of you who have left me such kind comments, emails, and text messages. It really has helped me through these last few days.

I am still so very sad. My heart aches. My eyes burn from all the crying. My arms yearn to hold my baby. I want to see her. I want to feel her. I want to kiss her. I want to hear her. I want to snuggle with her. I want to cradle her. I want to talk to her.

I want her back.

Even through all of this pain I see how blessed I am. The Rockstar has not been able to be here this week. On Sunday he had to leave for band camp (he is an assistant band director for a local high school). Kayleigh passed away that night. I had no way of getting in touch with her daddy. The camp is in the middle of no where...no cell service and only one phone for the entire camp. No one is in the office to answer phone until 6 am.

If you are wondering where the blessings come in to play, I am about to tell you....

It was 2:30 am. A piece of my heart had just died and I can't even get in touch with my husband. The Boy was with me through all of this. He drove us to the vet. He stood there with me as I held the oxygen mask for Kayleigh. He had his arm around me as I tried to soothe Kayleigh and whisper in her ear. He was there when she took her last breath. He drove her back to the vets office so I wouldn't have to worry about what to do with her body that night.

When we got back home I laid across my bed sobbing. Unbeknownst to me at the time The Boy had called The Big Boy, as well as my mother. Within 10 minutes I was still laying across my bed sobbing...only by that time I had The Boy, The Big Boy, and my mama laying across the bed with me, comforting me.

Since that night my boys have taken turns checking on me, calling me, trying to get me to eat, throwing their arms around me, and telling me that they love me. My mother calls me every few hours and her partner came by yesterday morning to check on me.

If you are wondering, I finally got in touch with The Rockstar at 6:00 Monday morning. He immediately left camp and came home. Although he was only able to stay with me a few hours, it meant the world to me.

I honestly don't know if my heart will ever stop hurting, but I do know that I have been able to make it through this because I am so blessed to have such loving people in my life.

Monday, July 23, 2012

My heart is broken and I will never be the same

My baby Kayleigh just passed away. My heart hurts so bad it feels like it could explode. I know if you have never felt this kind of love for a pet you wouldn't understand. Kayleigh was my baby. She slept with me, she followed me around the house, she cried when she would see me packing a suitcase, and she never wanted me out of her sight.

Kayleigh's heart and little body had endured far than what everyone thought she could make it through on many occassions. She was a fighter. But even fighters get tired. She was struggling for every breath she took. I rushed her to the vet and they gave her some meds and oxygen. She was still struggling. The vet said she didn't think Kayleigh would make it through the night. I knew that Kayleigh would want to be at home in the comfort of our bed.

She never made it to the bed. As soon as we got home with her she looked up at me with her big brown eyes as she struggled for every breath. I leaned over and whispered in her ear that it was ok to stop fighting...mommy would be fine. She laid her little head over on me and took her last breath.

RIP my sweet baby girl. Mommy loves you.

Friday, July 20, 2012

No Fill for Me

I went to my appointment this morning. I saw the NP and she was thrilled that I had lost 12 pounds since my last visit. I told her that I wasn't thrilled because most of that was lost prior to summer and that I had not lost any since June. I was also very honest about the crap I had been eating over the summer. I told her I didn't really want another fill because I felt like once I went back to work I would be on schedule again and I would start losing again. She agreed and told me to come back in October for blood work...before then if I felt like I needed a fill. I have only had 2 fills and I would be thrilled if I didn't have to have another...but if I ever feel like I need it, I won't hesitate to get it.

After I left my doctor's office I went to Ross. We don't have one here in town, but there is one right down from my doctor. I bought these nifty little containers...

I love the little removable ice packs for the lids and the measurement on them.

As the week comes to end I can say that I am now back on track...yay me!

Happy Friday! Toodles!

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Ten Things Thursday!!

Thanks to the gorgeous Laura Belle we have Ten Things Thursday!!

1. Walmart has all their school supplies out. This makes me very, very sad...for two reasons. Number 1, this means that my summer break is at the very end. Number 2, this is the first year in 21 years that I haven't been buying school supplies. The Big Boy started kindergarten 21 years ago and The Boy just graduated. My babies are all grown up :(

2. Speaking of my babies, I miss them. They both work at night and I feel like I never get to see them anymore. I like my kids. Now I know you are saying "of course you like your kids...they are your kids" but let me tell you...I may have always loved my kids, but there were certainly some times that I didn't like them very much. I really like them now. I like the people they have become.

3. One of the reasons I like The Boy so much is his sense of humor. Here is a text message  between us. This is from the night I was bringing my niece home with us.

Now I guess if you don't know who Snooki is then you won't find this funny at all...but it had me peeing my pants.

4. I went to my first support group since being banded yesterday. I have never been because it is an hour away and it is in the middle of the day...I'm usually at work. I went yesterday with a friend who is about to have surgery. I was the only one in the group (other than the leader) who was post op. Nobody in the group was getting lapband....they were all either bypass or sleeve. So I felt like I didn't really have much to offer.

5. I have an appt. with my surgeon's office in the morning. This will be my first time there since March. To fill, or not to fill...that will be my question.

6. The Rockstar is at his in processing for his new job. I am excited about helping him set up his very own classroom for the first time. I bought him a fancy schmancy name plate for his desk.

7. I am getting excited about going to Chicago for BOOBs. Never in my life have I flown alone to go meet perfect strangers. The Boy told me I was crazy. He said it's probably just a big scam and those bloggers are really like the Craigslist Killers. Ha ha ha. He said it with all seriousness.

8. I have a $100 gift card to Kohls that The Boy gave me for my birthday back in June. I have been saving it to buy back to school clothes. I thought I would lose some weight between then and now, but I haven't. I'm going to have to use it any way. I don't think they would appreciate me showing up for work in my shorts and swimsuit.

9. I am looking for a new cute lunch bag/box for the new school year. I haven't found just the right one yet.

10. Can't I just be a stay at home mommy to Kayleigh???

Monday, July 16, 2012


Why is getting back on track so hard????

Why does Mt. Dew have to taste so good???

Why does my body crave chocolate every damn day???

Why do I still want to be in vacation mode when I am clearly no longer on vacation???

Why can't I have some freakishly high metabolism like The Rockstar???

These are the questions I have been asking myself today as I tried to "get back on track"

I did "some" better today, but I have to do even better tomorrow. I went grocery shopping today. I completely got "sidetracked" when I saw this...

Since you can see my coffee maker in the background you probably guessed that they made their way home with me. I normally don't even drink Coke, but I love an ice cold Coke in a glass bottle. It reminds me being at my grandmother's when I was little. I  drank half of one and gave the other 3 to my mother...she loves Coke in a glass bottle too. They are only 8 oz each, so I didn't beat myself up too bad about having 4 oz.

So I wouldn't say I am completely back on track...but I'm not completely derailed either. That's a start :)

Sunday, July 15, 2012

The Diva has left the building

My niece went home last night. Whew...I will need a week to recover. I have a new found respect for those of you who are trying to lose weight and/or focus on you and your health when you have young children. I felt like I didn't even have time to think about myself while she was here.

 Every time I turned around she was wanting something to eat. She is used to eating fast food almost daily, so it was quite a change for her since I didn't let her have fast food at all. She survived it, and so did I.

We stayed busy doing different things every day. I let her help me cook, which made the whole eating healthy food easier. One day we made bracelets.

The Diva made herself several and then made some for her friends.

I made an ankle bracelet...but ended up giving it to the Diva.

Another day we made suncatchers...

We went swimming a couple of days, shopping one day, and finally on the last day we got a pedi. All in all it was a good visit, but I am glad it is over. I have to get back on track...and that is much easier to do without a 7 year old around :)

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Ten Things Thursday!!

Thanks to the gorgeous Laura Belle we have Ten Things Thursday!!

1. We went a solid month with not a drop of rain here. Now it has rained every day this week. My tan is fading fast. I can't go back to work a white girl.

2. I haven't checked my work email all summer. I tried to log in today, but obviously I have totally forgotten the password. They make you change it every month and it can't be anything like the last one. That's too much for me to keep up with. Since I had only worked there a few months I have no idea what to do. I don't think I even know the number to the school to call and ask someone.

3. I have let old habits creep back into my life. I haven't been tracking what I eat. I haven't been drinking water. I have been eating way too much junk. I am getting back on track today.

4. The Rockstar has a job interview Friday. If he gets it we will both be teaching the same thing, both at the middle school level, but in different school systems.

5. My niece is still driving me crazy. I am taking her to Hobby Lobby today. We are going to buy beads and make bracelets.

6. I have noticed that some people "reply" to comments on their blog. Once I have read a post I don't go back to it. So if someone replies to comment I have left I would never know it.

7. The first 40 pounds I lost I was in the same clothes. Now it seems like I go down a size about every 10 pounds or so. Not complaining...merely just an observation.

8. I haven't been back to my surgeon's office since March. I missed my June appointment. I finally remembered to call yesterday. I have an appt. next Friday. I have only ever had 2 fills. I am thinking about getting a small fill.

9. I'm not taking any more mini vacays this summer. I decided that instead I would just save that money for the BOOBs trip!

10. I'm going to make some chocolate chip cookies. Don't judge. I know I just said I was getting back on track today, but it's either chocolate or alcohol my nerves need to deal with this child.

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Just call me Aunt Cray Cray

My week has consisted of caring for a 7 year old...and nothing else. It has been a long time since I have had a child this young, and I had forgotten how exhausting it is. Or it could be that I did a better job of making my kids do things for themselves at an early age.

I took my niece to the mall yesterday. Now I remember why I never took my own kids to the mall when they were young...they want EVERY thing they see.

I did take her to get her ears pierced. I was surprised that it cost $60. WTH???

Then, she thought she deserved a "treat" because she got her ears pierced. Ummm....getting your ears pierced WAS the treat. Whatever. I refused for her "treat" to be something food related, so I took her to the bookstore.

She threw a fit because I wouldn't buy a boxed set of Junie B something or another. I told her I would buy her 1 of those books...but not 4.

She is used to eating fast food almost every day when she is at home. So, needless to say, finding things that she will eat and are at least semi healthy has been a difficult task.

Seven year olds pretty much say what ever pops into their head. Here are just some of the things she has said to me:

  • Look! I have a little girl bikini and you have on an old lady bikini...we almost match. (I had on a tankini)

  • (While stirring pool water in a cup...pretending to make stuff) Here...I made you some magic juice. It will make you young and skinny.

  • (As she was snuggled up next to me on the couch) I love snuggling with you...you are very squishy and comfortable

  • (As she was knocking on the bathroom door while I was taking a bath) Pleeeaaaase let me in...I promise I won't laugh

Her mother returns from her honeymoon in 3 days. Until then I will be saying "I think I can, I think I can"

Monday, July 9, 2012

Coming out of a fast food haze

We went to the wedding this past weekend. Since it was out of town we ate entirely too much fast food. I used to be the fast food queen...not any more. I struggle with making choices at fast food restaurants. My choices were fine, but all the sodium in fast food does not do me well. It takes me several days to get rid of the fluid I retain after eating fast food for a weekend.

The wedding wasn't too bad, despite the fact that it was outside in 103 degree weather. The ceremony was short and sweet and then we moved inside. I only had to have my dress on for a couple of hours and it wasn't too bad, but.....for the love of God.....why is it so damn difficult to get Spanx up and down when you have to go pee???

If you look really hard in this picture you can see a little bit of collar bone...yay me.

I have stayed the same weight for the past month. I am thrilled about this. I know, you are thinking I am crazy...but I have eaten junk, gone on mini vacays, had cookouts, pool parties, and attended a wedding out of town. I am thrilled that I didn't GAIN any throughout the month.

I brought my niece back home with me for a week while my sister in law goes on her honeymoon. My niece is 7. I now know why God didn't give me girls...because they would have never made it to adulthood. I am so not used to the screaming, squealing and non-stop talking...especially during morning hours when I am not even used to being awake.

I also made the mistake of taking this darling 7 year old to the grocery store with me. Big mistake. I now have cookies, cereal, chocolate milk and ice cream in my house. I was also talked into buying a Barbie, nail polish, Hello Kitty Band Aids, and sunglasses. Yep...it's a good thing I had boys.

Thursday, July 5, 2012


Thanks to the gorgeous Laura Belle we have Ten Things Thursday!!

1. I went shopping with my mother today. I was looking for a dress. I bought one last week, but I wasn't real happy with it. I found one I wanted to try on and I grabbed an XL. My mother said "are you crazy??? you are NOT an XL!" She was right. I totally could have fit in the medium if it wasn't for my boobs.

2. Here is the dress I bought. I don't love it, but I only have to have to on for a few hours. I have never liked wearing a dress.

3. Every year I buy several swimsuits....this year I have 5. Yet, I continue to wear the same one every time so I don't have different tan lines.

4. My summer break is more than half over. I need to go on one more little mini vacay before I have to go back to work...I just haven't decided where yet.

5. When I go grocery shopping I actually look for the longest checkout line to get in so I have time to read all the gossip magazines before I have to start putting my groceries up on the conveyor belt thingy.

6.  Everyone knows I love dogs, but I swear, I am ready to choke my neighbors dog. He keeps getting out of their fence and coming to my house and stealing stuff...like pool toys, or towels we have hanging out by the deck, a cooler, and flip flops. And that's just the stuff I know about.

7. We had a party for the 4th. The Rockstar made jello shots. I cringed when The Big Boy did a jello shot. I know he is 26, but in my mind he is still my sweet little boy and thought of me allowing him to have alcohol is wrong, wrong, wrong.

8. We have to go out of town for my sister in laws wedding. We will be gone overnight. The Boy has to work so he can't go with us. This will be the first time I have ever left him home alone overnight. He is 18, but I still asked my mother to call and check on him. Do you see a pattern of overly protective mother here???

9. I am over these record high hot days we are having.

10. Did you see Sharon Osbourne on Kathy last week? She briefly mentioned that she drinks wine to loosen her band. I thought she had it removed several years ago...apparently not.

The scale...what's that???

I don't remember the last time I weighed. I thing it was the week after I returned from the beach. So that means I haven't weighed myself in over 2 weeks...oops.

I'm not real sure I want to see what the scale would show. I have been on a mini vacay to the casino, had 2 pool parties, and 3 cookouts. I am not going to be a bit surprised if I have had a big gain, I will find out on Sunday.

We have a wedding we must attend this weekend...I am not thrilled about it. Not becaue I don't like  weddings, but I HATE wearing a dress. I bought a dress the other day, but I don't feel good about it. Why can't it just be appropriate to wear shorts and flip flops to a wedding???

Speaking of flip flops...we all know about my flip flop obsession. Well, here is the latest addition to my collection...

I hope all of y'all had a happy 4th!!! Toodles :)