Thursday, December 29, 2011

Ten Things Thursday

Ten Things Thursday brought to us by the gorgeous Laura

1. We are having a NYE party this year. It will mostly be people in The Rockstar's band and their wives/girlfriends. I like the guys in his band, but I don't like stressing over cleaning the house, preparing food, and everything else that goes into having a party.

2. I got some of my favorite German chocolate in my stocking this year. I have only eaten 6 squares from it. Last year I ate 6 packages in two days.

3. The Boy gave his girlfriend a Promise Ring for Christmas. The fact that my boys give their girlfriends jewelry is just more proof to me that I have done a few things right :)

4. The Rockstar got me an Iphone for Christmas. I know most people would like this gift, but I was perfectly happy with my old phone. I do not generally like change. The Rockstar swears if he didn't force change on me then I would still be carrying around a big Zack Morris (Saved by the Bell) phone. He is probably right.

5. I am madder than a wet hornet that there hasn't been a new episode of Grey's Anatomy on in over a month.

6. I want to go to Chicago with all you beautiful people in 2012. I even put away some of my Christmas money to start saving for it.

7. The Rockstar thinks we have to eat the "good luck" foods on New Year's Day. So every year we have fried pork chops (pork for progress), black eyed peas (for good luck), turnip greens (green for money), and mashed potatoes (because I love them). You also have to leave a little bit of food on your plate (to guarantee a stocked pantry in the new year).

8.  I am one of those annoying people who put clothes on my dog babies.  I absolutely adore them and will be crushed the day they are no longer by my side. My boy is 13 and girl is 12.

9. I am going shopping tomorrow. I know I told y'all about getting two gift cards from Kohl's for Christmas, but I totally forgot that I have $40 in Kohl's cash from doing some of my Christmas shopping there. I may not have to use much of my gift card at all.

10. I am 54 days sober from the Dew.

Word for 2012

My word for 2012 is.... Transcend


transitive verb
a : to rise above or go beyond the limits of
b : to triumph over the negative or restrictive aspects of : overcome
 c : to be prior to, beyond, and above (the universe or material existence)
Like many of you, my doctor told me the "average" loss with the band is 50% of excess weight. I plan to will transcend that average loss. I know that I am not average and I can exceed that average loss.
This May I am supposed will graduate with my Ed.S. An Ed.S is the degree in between a Master's and a Doctorate. When I was in high school my guidance counselor told me not to worry about taking the ACT because I wasn't college material. In fact, she told told me I should just try to get a GED and stay home and raise my baby (yes, I was a teenage age 15). I didn't go to college right out of high school because she had me convinced that I wasn't smart enough to make it through college. A few years later my mother believed in me enough to push me to go. I am so glad she did. I am so glad I didn't stop with just my Bachelor's degree. My accomplishments have completely transcended my own expectations of myself. Btw...I have also maintained a 4.00 all the way through my Master's and Ed.S.
Yes, this is going to be the year that I transcend the expectations of that guidance counselor, my doctor, and even myself :)

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Back to my new normal

Christmas is over and although I love the time with family, I will be glad to get back to my normal life. I did great on Christmas Eve and Christmas, but we went out of town the day after Christmas. We went to The Rockstar's family to celebrate Christmas. I ate way too much junk over the last two days. I don't know why I can be perfect at home, but lose all control the second we go out of town. Ugh....whatever, I am over it and I will be back on track tomorrow.

Yesterday marked 7 weeks since my surgery. I have lost 23 pounds since surgery. I am still figuring some things what foods do not agree with my band. I haven't tried the obvious trouble foods (bread, pasta, etc), but I have been surprised at some of the other foods I can't tolerate, like eggs. I also don't do well with ground beef. I am a picky eater, so at times I feel like I am eating the same things over and over. I have eaten so much chicken and turkey that I feel like I might start growing feathers soon.

I have a week left of Christmas break...woohoo!!!! I love sleeping late and staying in my big butt pajamas all day. In the last week I have noticed that all of my pants are turning in to "big butt" pants...they are all completely sagging. I got 3 different gift cards to Kohl's for Christmas, so I think I may use one of them in the next week and buy a couple new pairs of pants. I have some smaller clothes from a couple of years ago when I was thinner, but I'm not quite to the point that I can wear those yet. I tried on a pair of the jeans I had in the back of the closet, and although I could get them up they were so tight if I farted it would have blown my boots off. So, although I hate to shop, I guess that's what I will do over the next few days.

Toodles my little banded peeps!

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Ten Things Thursday!!!

Thanks to the beautiful Laura Belle we have 10 Things Thursday!

1. My mother randomly sent someone to my house yesterday to measure my kitchen floor. She is having ceramic tile put in her house and said she thought I may just want an estimate for mine. He never gave me an estimate or really even said anything to me...maybe this means she is going to surprise me and have new floors put in for me...that would be way cool.

2. The man who was Principal at my school before Cruella took over (it's close to Christmas so I tried to refrain from calling her Lucifer)  passed away this morning. I am so very sad about this. He was not a good fit for our gang infested school, but he was one of the most kind hearted men I have ever known. He retired because he had cancer. They told him he would not live long if he stayed in that stressful environment. He lived over 3 years after retiring. I am glad his family had that extra 3 years with him. I will miss him dearly.

3. I have been struggling with eating right since I have been on Christmas break. I never go over on calories, but I have been eating too much sugar and not enough protein.

4. I have not spoken to one of my sisters in two years. I tell everyone that I could care less, but in reality I wish she would come to her senses and make amends with my mother. I REALLY don't care if I talk to her again, but I know that it bothers my mother that her own daughter has treated her so poorly.

5. I asked the Rockstar to help me wrap presents. He said "ok, let me go get my staple gun and duct tape"...guess I'll be doing all the wrapping by myself.

6. Both of my kids were here last night, which is rare since they both work (and the youngest is still in high school). I like it when they are both here. When my oldest leaves to go home my boys still hug each other and say I love you....makes me feel like I did something right :)

7. I went in Toys R Us for the first time in years the other day to get my niece a present. When I first walked in I saw all the cute baby stuff and thought how nice it would be to have a baby again. Two minutes after being in there that thought quickly passed.

8. I will be doing a lot of baking tomorrow. I hope I can refrain from a lot of eating.

9. I went to Walmart yesterday and they already had some Valentines Snack cakes there....can they not let us get through Christmas first???

10. I am 47 days clean and sober from the Dew.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

I heart the old man bench

I know I wished for Christmas break to be here and I really am enjoying it....but I swear, all I want to do is eat when I am home!! I haven't...but I want to!

I did most of my shopping yesterday. I did not love it. Shopping does not appeal to me. Here is where I would rather be when I am at the mall...

The Old Man Bench :)

I did find a new ornament for the tree :)

Monday, December 19, 2011

Scared of the Scale

I know many of you are self proclaimed scale whores. I am not. Actually, I am just the opposite. I almost can't force myself to get on the scale. It gives me anxiety to even think about it. What if it hasn't moved...or worse, what if it moved up??? I told myself I weigh every Monday since my surgery was on a Monday, but I just can't make myself do it. I am that scared of failing.

Can I also just tell ya that I have never been self conscious about eating in front of other people...until now. The Rockstar and I went out to eat the other day. My first time eating out and ordering something other than soup. I felt uncomfortable the entire time. I feel crazy sitting my fork down after every bit. All that chewing drives me insane. And why does the server have to keep asking me if I want a drink??? I would just order water, but I don't trust myself enough not to drink it if it's right there in front of me.

In unrelated news...I have unplugged my alarm clock and put it in the closet for the next two weeks...yay me! Tomorrow I have to go Christmas shopping....yes, I have been procrastinating. I always do. I hate to go shopping, so I do it all in one day. You think I could get away with just doing all gift cards this year??

Thursday, December 15, 2011

I think I can, I think I can

Only one more day left in this shit filled semester. I feel like The Little Engine That Could...or maybe that can't...we shall find out tomorrow. This really has been one of the worst years I have ever had as a teacher. First of all, I work for Lucifer. Seriously, she is the most power hungry, heartless, controlling, narcissistic, stupid ass, dick licking, piece of shit twatwaffle I have ever met (one day I will tell you how I really feel).

Because of Lucifer and her mini-me workers everybody walks around on pins and needles. Needless to say, it is a very hostile, stressful work  environment. I have applied with another school system, but it is not easy to get hired in the middle of a school year...and I would have to take a huge ($10,000) pay cut if I changed. However, if things get much worse, the Walmart Greeter job will be looking pretty good to me.

It has been one week since my first fill. I have been able to eat very little. I have lost 6 pounds since this time last week (not complaining about that). Since we are in the week of finals I couldn't take the time off to go get an unfill. I called my doctor and after a lengthy conversation he said he feels like swelling with the combination of the stress I have had this past week is why I felt so tight. If I still have trouble eating at the beginning of next week I will go in since I will be off for Christmas break.

Nothing much else to update y'all on. My Hypertension Specialist still won't clear me for any type of exercise (other than walking). My bp was better this last time (158/108), but he said it is still way too high for me to exercise and still too high to come off of any of the meds. However, he did take me off of one of the fluid pills (I was on two different ones)....woot,'s not much, but it's a start :)

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Sundays Soothe My Soul

I love Sundays...except for the fact that I know the next day I have to awake to the wretched sound of the alarm clock. Sundays are a laid back day in my house. Usually we sleep in late and stay in our PJ's all day. The Rockstar does the laundry and I usually cook a big supper.

Today I didn't sleep late (The Rockstar was feeling frisky at 6:30!!!!) and I didn't cook a big supper, but it was still a great day! I only cooked a pot of homemade soup since I had major issues with eating yesterday. I am feeling much better today. Even water was difficult yesterday, but today drinking has been no trouble, and the soup went down fine.

In case I haven't told y'all (which I know I haven't), I am so thankful to be part of this blogging community. I was a little freaked out yesterday after turning into the slime monster. It really is helpful to read other people's blogs and/or comments and know that other people have experieced the same thing. I just puffy heart love y'all to pieces.

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Not a Great Day in Bandland for Me

So, right after my first fill I felt the same...but than again I was on liquids.

Today, not so good. I took one bite of scrambled eggs this morning and was in misery for over half an hour afterwards. I just have to tell y'all....I never knew it was possible to have that much slime in my body. Seriously.

I have not even attempted to eat anything else today. I scared to...I don't wanna see slimefest again. I have been drinking, but even that is a little uncomfortable unless it is just small sips. I have barely made it through a bottle of water today.

Somehow, this is not exactly what I thought a fill would feel like.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

First Fill and 10 Things Thursday

I got my first fill today!!! Y'all know I was a big ole fraidy cat about that big ole needle...but it was fine. He didn't ask me if I wanted the numbing shot...just did it anyway. I was ok with that and it didn't burn/hurt very much at all. He said I had 3cc's in from surgery and he added 2 more for a total of 5cc's.

I also had to see the NUT while I was there. I think that NUT is a nut...she said I should only be eating 600 calories a day. I asked the doctor about it and said that only pertained to immediately after surgery and now it should be 900-1100...which is what I have been doing.

I had lost 18 pounds since my pre op appointment...yay!

ok, now on to 10 Things Thursday....

1. My doctor's office used to be a mall, so there are many, many doctor's offices in there now. When I went in today there was a gourmet cheesecake stand set up right in between the surgical weight loss center and the heart clinic. WTF???  Were they trying to ensure job security or what??

2. I haven't even started Christmas shopping and probably won't until I get off for Christmas break.

3. I have had so much paperwork to do at work (educational plans, ACT accommodations, etc) that I have been a craptastic teacher this week. I will be having an unannounced observation at any time...glad it wasn't this week.

4. We have an advisory group once a week where we are supposed to talk about getting ready for college, grades, and many other "advising" type things. This week the kids were supposed to write a thank-you letter to one teacher or adult in the building who had helped them this semester. Afterwards the advisory teacher would place the letter in that teacher's mailbox. I got a letter...and can you believe it was from my lovely child who calls me names on a daily basis?? Keep in mind that I teach behavior disordered teenagers who have no filter with their language. The letter said:

Dear Big Azz Barbie, (yes, that is exactly how he addressed it)

Thank you for helping me with my grades and making sure I graduate this year. That other teacher fucked up my credits and you took care of it for me. Keep doing a good job. You will always be my favorite teacher. You are almost like my white mama.

Peace out,
Your Bobby Hill (I told him once that he was like a ghetto Bobby Hill from King of the Hill)

I got all teary eyed...he still thinks I look like Barbie and loves me like a mama :)

5. The Rockstar doesn't really understand the process of getting a fill. All he knows is how big the needle was and that I should feel more restriction. In his mind it was a big ordeal and he has gone back to waiting on me hand and foot. Is it bad that I have just let him continue to think that???

6. I had a crazy dream last night that I caught The Rockstar doing heroin (he does not do ANY drugs in real life) and I told him that I was leaving him. I went to speed away, only I didn't have a real car. I only had one of those pink battery operated Barbie Jeeps for I took off in that.

7. I noticed last night that my hair is much thinner in the front than it was a month ago. Good thing I still  have a lot of hair in the back. I may have to consider doing the balding man comb over soon if this keeps up.

8. Paula Deen is my hero even if I can't eat her stuff any more. I am making some cookies this weekend from one of her cookbooks. They are called Ooey Gooey Chocolate Butter Cookies. You know they are gonna be good if the word butter is in the title. I'm not going to eat them. I am making them to put in a goody basket for Mr. Hottie as his Christmas present. Last year he gave me a gift card and I felt bad because I had not bought him anything. He loves to eat, so I figured he would like a goody basket.

9.  I bought new make up today. I know some people get excited over new purses or shoes, but my thing is make up. I love it!

10. I still haven't had a Mountain Dew and the craving is no less today than it was a month ago.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

One month surgiversary

Can you believe it has been one month??? Me either. I haven't weighed this week, so not sure what my total loss is right now. I have my first fill appointment tomorrow, so I will just wait to see what his scales say.

My nerves are up and down like whore's drawers. One minute I think I am fine with it and the next I start thinking about that big ole needle. My doctor offers the numbing shot if you want it...I don't know if I want it. I have read where some of y'all say the numbing shot hurts worse than the fill needle, and others say they wouldn't get the fill without it. Decisions,!

I also meet with nutritionist tomorrow. No worries there. I have done good when it comes to that. I do think I deserve some kind of award for going 30 days without a Mountain Dew...just sayin.

Friday, December 2, 2011


It's FRIDAY so that means it's BYOC - Bring Your Own Crazy! Brought to you by the one and only Drazil! We answer a couple of questions in an effort to get to know each other better and to give our blogging brains a break! Copy and paste and answer in your own blogs if you'd like!! ENJOY!!
  1. Describe the structure you live in. (apartment, condo, house, mansion, cardboard box?)
    I live in a two story house that sits on a little hill. The master bedroom is on the first level and the other bedrooms are upstairs. I have an attached garage, but I don't get to park my car in is filled with The Rockstar's drumset, as well as The Boy's drumset and guitars.

  2. Describe the city you live in. (population, main attractions)
    I really don't know the population of my city...I would say around 100,000 or so. It is known as a military town, but I live on the opposite side of town as the base.

  3. Why do you live in the town you live in? (job, to get away from a different town, family, schools?)
    I was born and bred here :) The Rockstar was in the military when I met him. When he asked me to marry him I told him I could only stay married to him as long as he was stationed here because I could never leave my mama. He married me any way and got out of the military when he was up to reenlist.

  4. What’s the view like from your backyard?
    Just a yard, the pool/deck, and a tree.

  5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in real life and in blog land.
    Blogland was good. I haven't had to time to read all the blogs, but I will catch up this weekend. I love how supportive everyone is of each other. That's the whole reason I started a blog...I knew I would need a dabble of that lovin to help me through this journey :)

Real life has been so so. Home life is good. The Boy turned 18 today and I am feeling very sad that both of my babies are now "grown." Work life has been less that desirable. School life was supposed to be good because last night was supposed to be my last night of the semester BUT my professor called me on my way to school and asked me to pick up everyones papers and meet her this weekend to give them to her. She got caught up with something and couldn't make it to class...which means we still have to go in one more time and take the last test...ugh.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Ten Things Thursday

Ten things Thursday, brought to us by that totally hawt girl at beerdogsandhealth

1. My snow dance was a big fat fail earlier this week. Although I saw some snow flakes in the air, it just wasn't enough to get me a day off. Damn weather man. Just like a man to exaggerate on inches.

2. The Boy has a birthday tomorrow. He will be 18. I'M FREE, I'M FREE!!! Ok, I know I'm really not, but it felt good to think it for a second. He asked me what I was getting him for his birthday....I told him some luggage. He told me he wasn't planning on taking any trips. When I explained it was for packing up to move out he said " know I am going to live her forever." When I asked him what about when he gets married his reply was "well, we have a guest room, she will be fine"

3. I finally got brave enough to get on the scale. I lost 2 pounds. I will take it.

4. Is it weird that I will only weigh myself on days that I pooped?

5. I used to host foreign exchange students. We have remained very, very close with our German son. Every once in a while he sends me my favorite chocolate from Germany. I haven't told him about getting banded. I know he will send me some for Christmas. I hope I have enough restraint not to eat it all at once. Maybe I shall share most of it this year.

6. I get my first fill next week. I am super duper nervous about that big ole needle.

7. My mother met a lady yesterday that had been banded 4 years ago and she lost over 200 pounds. After talking to this lady my mother felt the need to give me a lecture on how this band is only a tool and I have to work with the band...yes mama, I already know that.

8. I have my last class for the semester tonight. I am sooooo over going to school. I know my mama really wants to see me get a Doctorate....but I am over it.

9. Only two more weeks until Christmas break!!!

10. Hi. My name is Bigass Barbie and I'm a Dew aholic. I have been clean and sober for 26 days.... I want a Mountain Dew dammit!