Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Sad and lonely, but so very blessed

Thank you to all of you who have left me such kind comments, emails, and text messages. It really has helped me through these last few days.

I am still so very sad. My heart aches. My eyes burn from all the crying. My arms yearn to hold my baby. I want to see her. I want to feel her. I want to kiss her. I want to hear her. I want to snuggle with her. I want to cradle her. I want to talk to her.

I want her back.

Even through all of this pain I see how blessed I am. The Rockstar has not been able to be here this week. On Sunday he had to leave for band camp (he is an assistant band director for a local high school). Kayleigh passed away that night. I had no way of getting in touch with her daddy. The camp is in the middle of no where...no cell service and only one phone for the entire camp. No one is in the office to answer phone until 6 am.

If you are wondering where the blessings come in to play, I am about to tell you....

It was 2:30 am. A piece of my heart had just died and I can't even get in touch with my husband. The Boy was with me through all of this. He drove us to the vet. He stood there with me as I held the oxygen mask for Kayleigh. He had his arm around me as I tried to soothe Kayleigh and whisper in her ear. He was there when she took her last breath. He drove her back to the vets office so I wouldn't have to worry about what to do with her body that night.

When we got back home I laid across my bed sobbing. Unbeknownst to me at the time The Boy had called The Big Boy, as well as my mother. Within 10 minutes I was still laying across my bed sobbing...only by that time I had The Boy, The Big Boy, and my mama laying across the bed with me, comforting me.

Since that night my boys have taken turns checking on me, calling me, trying to get me to eat, throwing their arms around me, and telling me that they love me. My mother calls me every few hours and her partner came by yesterday morning to check on me.

If you are wondering, I finally got in touch with The Rockstar at 6:00 Monday morning. He immediately left camp and came home. Although he was only able to stay with me a few hours, it meant the world to me.

I honestly don't know if my heart will ever stop hurting, but I do know that I have been able to make it through this because I am so blessed to have such loving people in my life.

12 comments:

sweet addy said...

This post made me teary. I'm so sorry for your loss, but I'm grateful that you have such a wonderful family to surround you at this time.

Chelle said...

I am so glad you had your family with you, I hope that eases the pain somewhat. It's such a hard thing to go through - pets become family!

adorkbl said...

I am all teary again for you and your baby. Soon it will be easier to think about her. My "fatty" Turbo passed a few months ago... and I think of him often. I had him for 15 years and he was my first companion as an adult. They always keep a corner of your heart! ;)

Amy said...

Your heart will stop hurting but your memories will last forever and ever and ever. When my family's pet, our beloved Fred, an Irish Setter, had passed over 20 years ago... we all cried. And cried. And cried. Life does go on. We have constant reminders of Fred all over my mom's house, my childhood home. So he's always near and dear to our hearts.

trishajo said...

been thinking of you everyday girl... bunches of cyber hugs to you.....

Sarah said...

What an incredibly thoughtful boy. I am so glad they could all rally around you when you needed them. xx

CJ said...

You have such a big heart. It loves big and hurts big. I hope someday it will love another puppy that could use that kind of love, but I'm sure that is not something you are ready to consider now. I just think anyone loved by you is very lucky. Very sweet your hubs came home to see you, and your boys and mom too. You must be proud you've taught your boys how to reach out, not all boys would do that.

speck said...

I'm so happy you got to have Kayleigh in your life.

And by the way, my oldest daughter's name is Kaylie! :)

Sarah G said...

(((Big hugs)))

Ronnie said...

I'm so sorry, sweetie. I love that you have such a great support system at home to rely on, though. Wish I could give ya a great big ol' hug!

Andrea said...

I am so sad for you. I can't imagine how much it's going to hurt when I lose my Maddie!

I'm thankful that your family has been so supportive and helping you through this!

Kelli said...

I am so sorry, sending big hugs your way....