Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Getting my Vitamin D on...and WTF Wednesday

So I have been going to the tanning bed this week. I had wondered if you got Vitamin D from the tanning bed or if it had to be from actual sunlight. Well my tanning bed place answered that question for me. Here is what is on their door...



I haven't been to the tanning bed in 2 years. Partially because my mom had melanoma a few years ago and that was in the back of my mind, and partially because I was afraid my fat ass might break the bed.

I had forgotten just what a comedy routine it is when I go to the tanning bed.

I am not one of those people who can just lay down in the tanning bed and stay in that position the entire time.

At times I raise my arms...I don't want white arm pits.

At other times I am holding Thelma and Louise (the girls), because if I don't, they shade my neck and chest.

Then I might lay on my side...I don't want a white stripe down my side.

Then I flip over and lay on my stomach.

And the last minute or two I am in there I sit straight up...so I don't have the white line under my butt cheeks (note to self, remember to put the towel between your legs when you do this from now on).

Oh, and the whole time I am doing the tanning bed olympics I am smiling. Why, you ask?? Because the tanning bed lights will whiten your teeth. Yep, I get my money's worth when I go tanning.

And did I mention I am doing all of this while wearing a solar cap?? I wear a solar cap so that my already processed bleach blonde hair doesn't get any blonder. Here is what my very fashionable solar cap looks like...



Ok, so here are today's events at the tanning bed...

The tanning bed was very busy tonight. I had to wait, which I didn't really mind since I can strike up a conversation with any random person in the waiting area.

When the tanning bed is super busy I get undressed and redressed in lightening speed...because I know some people hate to wait.

After my tanning bed cut off I jumped up and got dressed at lightening speed...as usual...not even glancing in the mirror before I walked out.

So today I was having a good image day. I was having a good hair day, I had on a cute outfit, and now that I have a little color to me I was feeling kinda cute.

I walked out of my room and the first person I saw waiting on a tanning bed was a big, buff, sexy, tanned man.

As soon as I walked out he made direct eye contact with me and flashed me a huge smile. Oh my....I think that man is flirting with me....after all I am looking uber cute today ;-)

So I flashed him my biggest, flirty smile and even batted my eyes a little.

As I walked on past I knew I could just feel his eyes checking out my booty.

Oh yeah, this muscle man wants me for sure.

When I got to the door I caught a glimpse of my own reflection.

O....M....G

I was in such a rush to get dressed I forgot to take the effing solar cap off!!!!!

Now I know why Mr. Sexy was smiling from ear to ear....and that's my WTF Wednesday.

9 comments:

Lala Loses said...

That made me laugh out loud! I've never tanned in a tanning bed...sounds like a workout!

A.J. said...

Bless your heart!!! You made me LOL.

Rachel said...

HAHAHAH I love it! I was at the tanning bed yesterday and I didnt know about whitening your teeth!! I shall start smiling immediately.

jennxaz said...

OMG that is hilarious!!!

MandaPanda said...

Bahahahahaha!

Morgan said...

Hahaha!! I love your description of your tanning bed poses, I am the same way. I hate to have a little white patch under my gut, so when I am on my stomach I make sure and hike up Hot Duchess so my FUP gets a little color!

Terrie said...

That is the funniest thing I have heard all week!

Reggie said...

LMFAO!!! That was great. Thank you for that :o)

Sarah said...

Hilarious!!!!

I go to a stand up tanning booth. You hold on to handles above your head so you don't get white sides or underarms. I do worry about under saggy boobies whiteness though.