Monday, November 28, 2011

New Blogger Alert

There's a new blogger in town...Strawberry Confessions

Stop by and show her some love :)

3 weeks post op and in Bandster Hell

It has been 3 weeks today and I am beginning to think that surgeon just made some random cuts, slapped some glue on me, and called it a day. Seriously, I could eat anything I wanted..."could" being the key word. I haven't gone over 1200 calories...not even on Thanksgiving.

I haven't had a Mountain Dew in 22 days and I am hungry...which puts me in a bad mood. Noone wants to be around me right now, and I don't blame them. Even my gangbangers sweet babies at school are offering me chocolate and chips thinking it will put me in a better mood. Bless their little hearts.

I don't know if I have lost any weight this week. I have been weighing on Mondays since my surgery was on a Monday. I haven't weighed today because I am afraid if I see no loss again this week it will push me over the edge.

My first fill is in 10 days. Pray for those around me until then...they are gonna need it.

In unrealted news... they are calling for a possible 1/2 inch of snow here tonight. Don't laugh, we have closed schools for less.

Toodles ya'll...I am off to do my snow dance. Wonder how many calories that will burn???

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Random Thoughts on a Rainy Day

It has been raining here for 3 days and I am totally over it. I am a teacher. We pray for snow (yay for snow days!), but never for rain. So, today I decided to pretend all that rain was snow and take me a snow day :-) Really, I stayed home with The Boy who is still feeling sickly from having his wisdom teeth taken out.

Have I told you I am really close to my mother?? Really close in every sense...she lives in the neighborhood right behind me. She calls me any time she sees my car still parked in the driveway on her way to work (I leave an hour earlier than her) to ask me why I am not at work. I am 41 years old and still feel like I can't get away with skipping school.

I am two weeks post op. I didn't lose any weight this week. I am trying not to beat myself up over this since I am completely on regular food now. I have read where some people actually gain a little when they are back on regular food, but it is still disappointing when I don't see the scale move.

I don't have class this week since my class is on a Thursday....woot, woot! Being the procrastinator that I am , I will not complete the 5 journal article reviews that will be due next week. Rather, I will wait until the day before and stress and complain about doing it all in one day....because that's how I roll.

That's all my random thoughts for the day. Toodles.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Mood stabliziers...yes, please

Well Lord help me, I just do not know what has been wrong with me this weekend. My emotions have been like a Mexican jumping bean. One minute I am laughing like hyena, and the next I am crying like a baby. If I'm not laughing or crying, then I am madder than wet hornet...for no reason.

The Rockstar has been so good to me for the last two weeks. He won't let me lift a thing, he has washed every dish that has been placed in the sink, and he is the only reason we have had clean drawers to cover our behinds since I haven't even considered doing any laundry. Yet, I have still been a big, ole bear to him. Why? I have no idea.

This sounds so stupid to say, but I am pissed off because I can't eat what I want. Well, I could, but I won't let myself. Then I get mad at everyone around like it's their fault I can't dive head first into vat of fried chicken grease or chocolate.

Why am I doing this??? Maybe my new name should be Lunatic Barbie.

Friday, November 18, 2011


It's FRIDAY so that means it's BYOC - Bring Your Own Crazy! Brought to you by the one and only Drazil! We answer a couple of questions in an effort to get to know each other better and to give our blogging brains a break! Copy and paste and answer in your own blogs if you'd like!! ENJOY!!
  1. What is your FAVORITE part of Thanksgiving?
    The food, duh...and sleeping late. My mama does most of the cooking, and she is the best cook I know!

  2. How many Thanksgiving family events will you attend?
    Just the one at my mama's house.

  3. What’s your biggest Thanksgiving tradition?
    We always eat around noon then everyone goes home. We all go back to my mama's house that night and eat leftovers. In the past my sisters and I would sit around and watch old home videos from when we were in high school, but since I haven't spoken to one of my sisters in 2 years I don't think that will happen this year :(

  4. Do you Black Friday shop the day after Thanksgiving?
    Hell to the no....I work with crazy people every day, I don't wanna spend my days off with them too. I also don't much like shopping. I do all of my Christmas shopping in one day, and much of that is done online.

  5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in real life and in blog world.
    Real life has been sucky. I went back to work on Tuesday and the rest of the week was VERY stressful. The other behavior teacher was out today and a sub didn't show up. So guess who got those angel babies all day??? Yep, you guessed it, me. I had my kids plus his...and no assistant.
          Blog world has been just peachy!

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Ten Things Thursday

1. I went back to work on Tuesday and let me just tell y'all....this week sucked big, green, wart infested donkey dicks!! The week was a belligerent bitch and I am so glad tomorrow is Friday.

2. I apologize for all of the profanity. The longer I work with behavior disordered kids the more I become like them...don't judge, it's a coping mechanism.

3. I have class on Thursday nights. Tonight I noticed that I pass 11 fast food restaurants on my way home. Before last month I stopped at one of those places almost every Thursday night. I'm pretty sure Chick Fil A probably has a missing poster of me posted on the front door.

4. Why does toilet paper cost so damn much??? I have actually been getting in all my water and I pee like crazy. I'm sure I have killed an entire forest this week alone.

5. The kid who initially called me Big Ass Barbie has moved on to another it's Country Barbie. People say I have a thick southern accent...I just don't hear it y'all :) I don't mind either name, but I think I prefer Big Ass Barbie. Either way...he still thinks I look like Barbie!

6. I thought I would be weighing myself every day, but actually I haven't been weighing myself at all. I was weighed at my post op appt on Monday and haven't weighed since.

7. The Boy will be 18 in just two weeks. I really can't believe both of my babies will be grown. It makes me feel old.

8. My friend that I told y'all about who was getting the band with plication had her surgery yesterday. The surgery went fine, but she said she was in pain. I asked her if she was taking the pain medication and she said the prescription hadn't been filled...well, duh...take your medicine.

9. I got a call today reminding that I have another dentist appointment on Monday. I told y'all...I would rather run through hell with gasoline panties on than go to the dentist. This should be the last appointment until next year.

10. My dreams have been so vivid since surgery and I haven't taken the pain meds since the second day. The dreams have often included my favorite foods. Last night I was in a Krispy Kreme doughnut eating contest with a midget from the Wizard of Oz. I won.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Buttdumpling and Ex Lax Ellie

Today was my first day back at work!!

Everything was smooth sailing....until Coach Buttdumpling decided to park his fundraising crack cart in my room during my planning period. This is what stared me down for over an hour today...

In unrelated news...I am having trouble drinking all this water when I am limited as to when I can go to the bathroom. Today my eyeballs were floating by the time the bell rang. I beat the kids out of the room, dashed to the faculty restroom and did the pee pee dance in the hall waiting for Ex Lax Ellie to get outta there...and then gagged the entire time I was in there....ugh.

Monday, November 14, 2011

One week and first post op

I had my first post op appointment today (more about that in sec). The Boy was out of school today (for teacher inservice) and wanted to go with me. No, not because he is overly concerned about what the doctor had to say, but because there is a big music store right next to my doctor's office and he wanted to but a new amp and guitar strings. Of course he had would rather use my gas than his to get there (it's an hour away from our home). I was glad he wanted to go with me. I have noticed with both of my boys I have always had the best conversations with them in the car...or while doing something does not require eye contact. I don't know if this is a boy thing or just a teenage thing. Either way, I was happy to have that 2 hours to have great conversation with a great kid :)

Now, on to my appointment. I had to see the nurse, the doctor, and the nutritionist. This was a nurse I had not met before. I found out that she is the one who will do the fills when the doctor doesn't do them. She was as sweet as my Bigmama's tea. I really liked her a lot and think we will get along just fine. I was disappointed that my blood pressure isn't any better yet (168/109), but since they took me off of two meds for the first week after surgery the doctor said he isn't surprised. My liver biopsy came back, I didn't know you took a liver  biopsy. Apparently, The Rock Star didn't think it was noteworthy to tell me about the suspicious spot the doctor saw on my liver...but he didn't fail to tell me that the doctor said I might be more comfortable without a bra for the week.

So, I want to tell you about my loss, but I don't know if I count the entire loss, or just that since surgery??? I have lost 14 pounds since my first initial visit to the office, and 9 since my pre op do I still get to say I have lost 14 pounds even though some of it was prior to surgery??? I sure hope so.

My next appointment is December 8. I may or may not get a fill...he said he "primed" my band more than usual and he wasn't sure if I would need one.

Now on to my first real food....scrambled eggs with cheese. I'm excited!

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Super Saturday

Well it has been 5 days since I had surgery and I am fine as frog hair split four ways. Seriously...I feel great! I still feel like I was punched in the stomach, but no other complaints. I think I was the luckiest girl in the world because I never did have any of those awful gas pains that everyone else talks about.

I haven't been on the scale...I'm kinda skeered. What if it hasn't moved??? I think I am going to wait until Monday at my first post op appointment. At home I wouldn't think twice about throwing myself in floor and having an emotional breakdown with arms and legs flailing about if the scale hasn't moved...but I think I will have some restraint if that happens at the doctor's office.

So according to The Boy I now officially suck at grocery shopping. Every week I ask him what he wants from the grocery store and he usually replies "whatever." Well, in the past "whatever" to me meant pizza, cookies, snack cakes, doughnuts, and anything else that tickled my fancy at the time. This week his reply was the same, but to me that meant "whatever you choose mom, I love you and would never want to tempt you all those unhealthy, artery clogging, make your ass bigger foods...just make it something healthy and we will all join you in this quest for good health"....well, apparently I was way wrong for assuming that is what he meant...and have been dubbed the worst grocery shopper ever. Whatever, I've been called worse :)

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Ten Things Thursday

1. I am not sure I will have 10 things to say since my week has only consisted of pj's, chicken broth, and liquid loratab.

2. I don't miss going to work one little bit.

3. The Rockstar has taken very good care of me this week...which is a big deal because he usually sucks at taking care of even himself

4. I have watched more tv than I thought possible this week. I have realized that you can go 15 years without watching a soap opera and be completely caught up on what has happened in 3 days. I know that Victor has been on The Young and Restless since I was a toddler when my Bigmama watched it...he is STILL on there. He must be like 105 or close to it.

5. Mr. Hottie (the hot teacher down the hall) has texted me every day checking on me. Don't worry, The Rockstar NEVER gets jealous and Mr. Hottie is young enough to be my child...and I don't make enough money to be someone's Cougar ;)

6. I have not pooped since the day before surgery (Sunday)...and today is Thursday. Should I be worried? The Rockstar did always say I was full of this point he is probably right.

7. I have been an emotional rollercoaster this week. One minute I'm on a high thinking I am gonna be a skinny, fierce bitch within the next year (maybe that's the liquid loratab talking), and the next I am still afraid I will fail.

8. Thursday is one of my favorite tv nights...I <3 Grey's Anatomy

9. I think some of y'all are the greateset thing since free internet porn (I kid, I kid). But seriously, I love to read about everyone else's journey and I like knowing I can lean on y'all for some advice.

10. I was worried I wouldn't have 10 things to say...who was I kidding...I always have something to say :)

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Day 3

For some reason I feel a little worse today than I did yesterday. Maybe it's because I haven't taken any pain medicine. Maybe it's because I was up every effing 30 minutes to go pee last night. Maybe it's just because I am being a whiny butt baby today.

I am not having any trouble tolerating liquids, but I know I am not taking in enough. I just can't deal with the protein powders...they are all nasty to me. I am only taking in about 500 most. I will try to do better today. My doctor doesn't require a long liquid diet...he said I can move to puree/mushies today if I feel like it. I'm not sure I feel like it though.

For the good news (and don't be a hater)...I have had no gas pains what so ever. I also think my incisions look pretty damn good. Here is a pic...sorry it's a little blurry.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

This Bigass Barbie is officially Banded!!!!

Yesterday was the day! I would have posted last night, but I was higher than a hippie in a helicopter on all those pain meds, and I was afraid it wouldn't make any sense. So here is how it all went down:

We arrived at the hospital at 5:30 am. I was checked in and called back by 6. They did the usual...ask me the same questions they had already asked me 5,643,278 times. Made me strip nakey and put on designer gown and stockings.

They had a hard time getting the IV in. I hate it when the nurse doesn't want to listen to me. I told her that she wouldn't be able to do it on the left side...anywhere. She said "oh sure we can, you have great veins over here and we don't like to do it on your right side since you are right handed." So, three failed attempts later (kept blowing my veins) I wanted to scream "Look twatwaffle, I told you to start on the right side!" Finally, another nurse came in and got it in right away.

By 7:30 they came in and said I was getting something to relax me. It did more than relax me, it knocked my ass out! I remember The Rockstar kissing me and then nothing else until I woke up in recovery. I do, however, remember hurting like hell when I woke up. I felt like I couldn't catch my breath good and I felt like they left the scapel dug in my abdominal area on the left side. The nurse said don't worry I will take care of that for you...and she did...she hooked a sista up with hella good drugs. I don't know what she gave me, but that pain went right away.

I had heard a lot of people say that they had really chapped lips when they came out. I took my Bonne Bell Strawberry and Vanilla lip balm with me. I caked it on just before they took me to the O.R. and I didn't have chapped lips at all. I also didn't feel dried out...they had this mask on me that sprayed a fine cool mist, so that was all good.

By noon I had peed 3 times and had tolerated liquid several times, so they said I was ready to go if I wanted. Just before they took the IV out they shot me up with Morphine, Zofran, and made me drink some liquid Lorabtab. Let's just say I don't remember much of the hour drive home.

We got home and The Rockstar put me to bed. He took everything the doctor said very literally...he was waking me up every 30 minutes to drink 2 oz...and yes he had it measured in Dixie cups. He was forcing me to take pain meds every 4 hours...finally when I woke up for good this morning I said "Enough with the pain meds!" I have tolerated liquids with no problem and had some jello and a little chicken broth. I am not really hungry and don't really feel like having anything but water and juice.

All in all, it wasn't too bad. I do feel like Mike Tyson punched me in stomach, but I know that will get better each day.

Monday, November 7, 2011

Nervous, Excited, Scared, and Hungry as hell

Well, that sums up how I am feeling. It is 2 am and I can't sleep. I slept for a few hours, but visions of biscuits and gravy danced in my I got up.

I am having second this normal??? I mean, what if I am totally being selfish and never wake up from this and leave The Boy and The Big Boy without a mother. The love me fat or not. Th Rockstar could find another groupie (although not as hot and boobalicious as me ;) but my boys could never replace me.

I know...I am just being silly and everything will be fine.

We leave the house in 2 hours. I hope my surgeon had a great weekend. I sent him an email on Friday and told him to send his wife flowers that day so I knew he would have a good weekend ;) Hopefully he took my advice. I told him a happy wife = a happy life, but ya know, some men never learn that. I shall ask him this morning if he sent them to her. Hell, if I had known his address I would have just sent them myself and signed his name to them.

Damn, I wish I had a Mt. Dew right about now.

Oh well, time to put my big girl panties on and do this.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Tomorrow is my Big Day!!

In less than 24 hours I will be one of you...a bandster! I didn't think I would be nervous at all...but I am!!  The Rockstar has always said if sleeping was an olympic event I would be a gold medalist...but not last night. I tossed and turned all night.

I have to be at the hospital at 5:30 am. The hospital is almost an hour away so we will be leaving here at it legal to be up that early??? I don't have to spend the night in the hospital, so I really don't have anything to pack.

I know I said I wasn't going to have that "last" meal...but my mother made me. I think in her mind I will never be able to eat again. Here is how our phone convo went down:

Mama: I am taking you out to eat tonight.

Me: Mama, I really don't need to go out to eat. I have done so well on the pre op diet I don't want to mess it up.

Mama: Well you gotta eat, and since they are gonna starve you to death after today I think you need to eat.

Me: Mama, I am not gonna starve to death. Have you seen my ass lately??? I got enough in reserve to last me for a long time. I really think I just need to stick to the pre op diet.

Mama: OK, I will pick you up 6:30...see ya then, love you,  Bye.

I told you, us southerners think they have to show love with food...even if the person is about to have weight loss surgery. I knew this was my mother's way of just showing she loved I went and ate a salad. I brought the entree home for the Rockstar to eat...better it go on his ass than mine.

When I got home The Rockstar and I went to the grocery store to get the stuff I would need for next week. I didn't take a list with me, so I am sure I probably forgot something...

Friday, November 4, 2011


Let’s get to what we came here for! BYOC – Bring Your Own Crazy. A couple questions we answer to get to know each other better and to give our blogging brains a break. Copy and paste to your own blog if you wish! Enjoy! Compliments of Draz!

Let’s do another themed BYOC…..this one will be called “What’s In/On Your….?”

1. What’s on your desk between your monitor and keyboard? (if it’s a laptop – what’s on your desk in general)

My laptop is in my lap right now, so nothing. I don't want to think about what's on my work desk right since I am not in my classroom. I like everything perfect on my desk and it bugs me when I come back from having a sub and everything has been moved, I am not going to think about it until I return to work in 11 days.

2. What’s on your mind right at this moment?

I will be banded in 3 days!!! I am thinking about everything I need to do this weekend...clean the house, do the laundry, grocery shop, be a good groupie for my Rockstar ;)

3. What’s in or on your nightstand on your side of the bed?

Alarm clock, lamp, home phone, cpap machine. We won't talk about what's in the nightstand :)

4. What’s on YOUR Christmas wish list (let’s assume you’d get what was on it)?

I never have a wish list. I am not very good at accepting gifts...but I wouldn't mind a new kitchen floor.

5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in real life and in blog land.

Real life has been a little crazy. Lucifer's wokers our administrators decided that I didn't need an assistant in my room and moved him to a different class. Actually, they decided that neither of the behavior classrooms needed an assistant. I mean, why would we need an assistant when we deal with emotionally disturbed, sometimes homicidal/suicidal kids???

Blogland has been great. This is still a little new to me and I feel like I spend way too much time on here trying to read everyone's blog. It seems like more people post during the day and I don't have time to read/comment while I am at work.

I hope all you have great weekend!

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Ten Things Thursday!

1. Thank you to all who commented on my post yesterday. I have decided not to have that "last meal" because I think I would feel guilty after I have done so well these last two weeks....but damn Chinese sure does sound good!

2. Today was my last day with kids until after my surgery. I have to work tomorrow, but I will have a sub in my class. We get one day each semester to do paperwork. I saved my day until tomorrow so I can make sure any last minute things get done. Since I already have all my sub plans done for the time I will be out it should be an easy schmeezy day.

3. I have lost 7 pounds since I started this non required pre op diet...Chinese still sounds good, but 7 pounds is like a newborn!

4. In the last two weeks I have suddenly become obsessed with weighing myself. Even if I just weighed myself in the morning, I feel compelled to weigh myself again if I poop...TMI??

5. I still have not given up my liquid crack (Mountain Dew) and I won't until I the last day

6. I went to the dentist yesterday. I would rather run through Hell with gasoline panties on than go to the dentist.

7. I feel better on days when I wear matching bras and panties

8. I have had the song "Superfreak" stuck in my head all day

9. My mother has her panties in a bit of a wad about Thanksgiving. She stresses every year about all the cooking, but this year she is fussing about the things she usually makes just for me that I won't be able to eat. I told her that it just meant less cooking. She said "just forget it, I am having it catered this year", ok

10. I will be banded in 4 days!!

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

One day closer

I am down to 5 days (4 if you don't include surgery day). As I have said, my doctor didn't require the pre op diet that most people had to do. He only requires all liquids the day before. I decided on my own to do the pre op diet...what in the hell was I thinking??? I am effing hungry dammit! But I have stuck to it. Why is my sense of smell so much better??? I can smell the teacher down the hall heating up her lunch...and she keeps her door closed! I am drooling when I see Burger King commerical (and I never even eat Burger King).

I am wondering...should I stick with this pre op diet (that I was not required to do), or should I go the Chinese Buffet and dive in head first??? I resisted all the Halloween candy, cupcakes, cookies, hot teacher, and and doughnuts...but should I just say eff it and eat what I want for the last few days???

Tell me what ya think.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Versatile Blogger Award :)


Versatile: ver-sa-tile [vur-suh-tl] or, especially British, [vur-suh-tahyl]: capable of, or adapted for, turning easily from one to another various tasks, fields of endeavor, etc.: a versatile writer.

Word information source:

Here is how the award works:

1. You thank the person who presented you with the award.

2. You tell 7 things about yourself.

3. You award 15 other newly discovered bloggers
Thank you, thank you, thank you to Lolli and Robyn who both nominated me!
Here's my 7 things:
1. I love all things sparkly
2. My lucky number is 2
3. I hate green foods
4. My mother is my best friend...for real, like I am co dependent, attached, haven't cut the cord...get the picture??
5. I have two boys. I like my kids, not just because they are my kids and I have to say I like them, but I really genuinely like the young men they have become and enjoy spending time with them.
6. I met The Rockstar 20 years ago. Three days later he asked me to marry him. Six weeks later we were married.
7. I will be banded in 6 days!!
15 nominations is a lot...I'm a new blogger y'all...that would be almost all my followers. So, I will start with 5.